Showing posts with label Controversy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Controversy. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Finding Fanny, Deep Cleavage

Oops, sorry! This post is not about the movie. It is a cheap trick that I am employing to get some traffic to my post. This post is my open letter to Deepika Padukone and The Times of India. The two have been washing dirty linen in public for the last few days.

Here it goes.

Dear Deepika and Dear The Times of India,

I am hoping you both will read this letter. No, I don't expect you to sit face-to-face and go through it together. Not after what your childish spat has done. It has created a huge cleavage not only between the two of you, but I have also almost lost a good friend in a discussion about your behaviors. But you see intelligently I moved the conversation from social media to more private messaging platform. Not that the two of us would have achieved anything by fighting in public. Unlike you guys to whom publicity matters, we would have ended up making ourselves look bad. More like the women in slums fight over the handpump. Though, of course, social media is the forum where creme-de-la-creme of the society, the educated and sophisticated do fight like those lively women. To avoid any confrontation with the feminist kinds, you can also consider the drunkards' fight inside a TASMAC bar (the bars attached to liquor shops in Tamil Nadu).

I have not been able to understand what you guys are fighting about.

Deepika, are you upset that they clicked your cleavage or are you upset with the photo caption? See if it is first one, let me assure you that your cleavage-ous photos are available with my dear friend Google. In fact, (s)he has "nice" pictures of you and your sisterhood. Google also has six, eight, and family packs (the last one, I have) of guys. Google doesn't discriminate.

But I understand you are more upset with the caption. Only if the paper had just published the photo and not put that stupid caption, you would have been ok. Right? Hmm, I am unclear how it can be dealt with. See, as far as India's leading newspaper is concerned, they have every right to publish what they want unless it invades privacy. You see, in more ways than one, film industry and newspapers are like comrades. Both are sacred cows! Cinema wants freedom to create. Media wants freedom to print. Creative license and freedom of press are the words used, I think. Just think of the pic as one of the item numbers or a double entendre from one of the movies and forget it.

See, Chennai never had ToI (I am now bit tired typing the whole name) for a very long time. We were always with The Hindu which fortunately or unfortunately had no Page 3. They have color pictures but they are never colorful, you know what I mean? The first time I saw Asian Age and Deccan Chronicle, I was shocked! Imagine the plight of an innocent naive Tamil boy (that's me) after seeing models skimpily-clad on the very first page! Well, since you are from Bangalore, you sure were fed on ToI and knew from being in the industry for considerable amount of time that ToI is known more as an entertainment newspaper.

Now, dear ToI,

Hmm not sure whether you should worry about attacks on you. You never were. After all, you are the largest media house in the country. Further, your reply to Deepika does raise some pertinent question. Not that your report was not factual but maybe a bit of grammar change would have made things easier.

Instead of the photo caption Deepika's Cleavage Show, you could have said Deepika's Cleavage Shows. See that small edition of 's' converts the show from a noun to a verb. Now that makes it more factual. I, at this point of time, would like to thank all those who made me understand the power of grammar.

Finally, we will never know if you guys are genuinely fighting or it is a mere celebrity stunt. You see after so many controversies and watching conspiracy movies, we lowly mortals don't trust anything. For all you know, you guys are together to create publicity for the movie Finding Fanny! As we all know medianet(work) helps anyone who requires publicity.

You see you don't have to actually worry about anything. Despite so much hullabaloo, I don't think your circulation or reach will decrease. In fact, it may only increase. After all, you known the pulse of the nation! And, of course, men, too!

We are sure you guys will continue to keep fighting more and not stop the action. I hope you file legal cases against each other. Try to sully each other more. See, as public we need that too. We need entertainment. How long will we see only bombs and beheading? I am fed up reading about prices of onions and tomatoes soaring so much that there is a huge cleavage between carbs and fiber in my diet! What you guys are doing is interesting and very important.

See, as they say in the PR industry, any publicity is good publicity. For you and for me.

See you then till the next cleavage. No, no, not what you guys think. Cleavage also means a sharp division; a split!

Hoping to keep myself a--breast of future developments.


PS: To avoid any controversies, I have used photos of Deepika which doesn't display any cleavage. So, there is no Cleavage Show, here! As far as Finding Fanny is concerned, I will write the review after watching the movie.